What most forget

When trying to leave a relationship with a narcissist and when trying to figure out what the fuck just happened, we learn that the tactics of the false self is the go to.

We hear so much about the false self. Many famous self claimed narcissists state that their false self is their only self in fact.

What most forget though is realizing that if there was no true self for the narcissist, there would be no need for a false one.

Narcissists believe they do not exist and they do believe they need attention or they will disappear but this is because their minds have effectively removed awareness of their true self. How???

The narcissist’s mind immensely focuses on their false self. Like an addict- the narcissist becomes consumed with the construction and maintenance of their false self -unconsciously distracting their minds. This is how their mind “coped” with their childhood trauma. What keeps this even more engrained for the narcissist is the megalomania derived from the supply they manipulate out of others. So as you can see, the narcissist’s mind is constructed to avoid their true self but again, their false self is there for a reason.

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Money

Many narcissists like to place their obsession towards money onto others but in a way that implies that the other is ungrateful. Narcissists like to imply that others are not grateful for the things they have or that thr other is too flimpsy or careless with money. You will usually see this take place if you mention in any way indirectly or directly, their obsession with money. If the narcissist notices you are not spending your money on them, they will also ensure that they use this ungrateful implication based tactic.

Narcissists like to pretend that other people are the ones who are obsessed with money in order to direct the attention regarding their own obsession onto someone else.

Narcissists also like to make up “reasons” that will back up their expectation of you regarding the giving of money to them. One very commonly seen tactic is when the narcissist places obligation onto others regarding the past favors the narcissist has done for you. This is done to create a sense of obligation and/or feelings of guilt within, to motivate you to give the narcissist money.

Understanding the unconscious of a narcissist

The mind is a funny thing u know. What the unconscious mind creates is so powerful and for narcissists, their unconscious mind does not coincide with their conscious mind. What a narcissist cognitively experiences does not correlate with their unconscious matter.

For one, the narcissists unconscious is compartmentalized which means so is their identity. Secondly, the narcissists unconscious uses and streams delusions in the conscious mind to ensure that their unconscious desires are externally created and their unconscious beliefs are externally confirmed.

In saying this, the narcissist has a core belief that they need attention to avoid their unconscious trauma from surfacing. The narcissist believes that without attention, they will come to believe that they no longer exist. No doubt, the narcissist will come to believe this but the real problem for the narcissist is the inability to understand that this belief is just a belief and can be rewritten. Unfortunately for the narcissist, their mind was created in such a unique way that awareness and the ability to understand such concepts and the ability to tolerate one’s emotions is not part of a narcissists capacity. (Something their unconscious minds believe)

One particular issue with delusions is that they are fear driven and the more they are confirmed wih a compulsive type solution like extracting attention, the greater the delusion becomes and the deeper the narcissist goes into lala land. Another issue with delusion is that due to their unconscious spewing delusional content into their conscious mind, their conscious mind comes to believe their delusion is in fact reality. If a narcissist becomes aware of how their unconscious mind is structured in relation to their conscious mind, this does not set them free from such a pathology thus, seeing self proclaimed narcissists all over the internet writing about how malignant they are versus how to overcome their pathology.

The strongest and most embedded belief that a narcissist holds in their unconscious mind is that they do not exist. This belief is by far, one of the greatest driving factors of narcissistic personality disorder. When a childs mind cannot complete the idenity formation stage in their development, the mind breaks in a very particular way and in this case, a narcissistic personality disorder is birthed. Of course, such a pathology is created to save the mind from going psychotic so some form of an identity needs to be utilized to prevent such and in this case, the narcissist uses their ideal self.

This ideal self is all a narcissist has to live for, it is all the narcissist believes they have to exist in the world. In fact, the narcissist spends their entire life trying to become their ideal self permanently in attempts to complete their failed developmental phase of identity formation.

The ideal self is in some ways a delusion and this is because there is no believed identity held for the narcissist that can evolve into anything ideal. The ideal self is a concept that a narcissist lives for at the expense of literally everything and everyone.

The narcissists unconscious belief of not existing creates the building blocks for a life long formation and consumption of ones entire mind despite the formation of a narcissistic personality disorder being birthed in order to save such.

Caring what the narcissist thinkz

One interesting trap under the narcissists manipulation belt is the narcissist getting their victims to become entrenched in focusing on what the narcissist is thinking and why.

The narcissist sets their victims up in a way where they get into a habit of needing to guess what the narcissist is saying or doing. The narcissist most commonly does this with the use of silence and word salads. These two tactics leave the victim always trying to intepret and understand their reality and what they can do to either better their situation, get their narcissist back, understand what they did wrong or to seek revenge.

When this tactic is used frequently by the narcissist. the victim becomes entrenched in this style of thinking thus, a habit is formed. This exact habit is than used against the victim to further gaslight them.

Over time, the victim begins to put all the pieces together and begins to understand some of the narcissists insane behaviors. The victim tends to either begin to tell the narcissist that they now know what the narcissist is doing and thinking or the victim will begin to react from a place of expectation towards future interactions with the narcissist.

At this point, the narcissist will than deny, deny, deny in order to extract more attention from the victim by creating extreme anger, frustration, doubt and more confusion in their victims minds. The narcissist will claim the victim is paranoid, rude and wrong, that what they expected their narcissist to do or say was in fact, not the case. Essentially, the narcissist gaslights the perception of the victim once again.

Secrets kill

When the narcissist abuses you, he or she expects you to of course, keep it a secret. The problem with this is that when you keep it such abuse a secret, the narcissist takes this as an opportunity to abuse you more. There is a common understanding that you will anger the narcissist more by saying anything to others but the narcissist is already angry whether it’s because you cut him or her off of supply, caught the narcissist cheating, you abandoned them, etc. Essentially there is nothing that can be done for the narcissist in that regard neither is it your responsibility.

If you keep the abuse a secret, when it comes time to involve others like law enforcement, you will have a better shot at escaping permanently down the road.

It is important that others know what is taking place because the narcissist can be dangerous. It is important that people are aware of your circumstances because the easiest target is a silent one. Also, If something horrible were to take place regarding your safety or your loved one’s safety, people will know where to look.

Of course, there are many cons to this action which are people not believing you or retraumatizing you by saying things like “maybe your just overreacting” but at the end of the day, your life could be at risk.

A friendly reminder, keep record of everything and a few back up copies as well.

A world of shame

There is not much you can say to a narcissistic parent without being shamed and gaslighted. Everything you say constantly leads to the narcissist appearing offended thus, being constantly shamed. Why does this equate gaslighting? To shame a person for something that is not offensive in nature is gaslighting. Shaming a person for something that is not offensive in nature is attempting to distort reality. This is a tricky tactic because perception is everything and never does perception hold such grave importance in a person’s life until one is faced with a narcissist. 

Non pathological individuals will never attempt to convince a person that their perception of reality is skewed, especially via acting offensive and shaming another for such. There is a huge difference between efffective expression via an act of a mutually held conversation regarding differences in opinions versus randomly shaming a person so one can convince another that their perception of reality is skewed, shameful and offensive. 
The narcissist utilizes this tactic to get a reaction from their victim and to boost their false self. Distorting a persons perception via gaslighting can be done in many ways in order to shame another person. Acting offended is a very effective tool for the narcissist because it leaves everything open for debate and no truth can be accurately revealed per say. This tactic creates a “my word against yours” dynamic. The narcissist also loves to add the use of a word salad into the mixso their victim has a hard time keeping up with the non sensical conversation that is being had. Creating shock, doubt and confusion is added into the mix. The narcissist also likes to exploit your tone of voice and your use of words against you to cause confusion towards your perception.
 For example, you express that you dislike something and the narcissist appears offended saying “all you do is complain and try and bring me down”. You will try and explain that this was not your intention whatsoever and the narcissist will say “you can lie all you want but I can hear it in your voice, your using that same shaming tone you always use” You will be very confused at this point and the narcissist  will than say “what was the point of saying that the way you did than, you could have said you liked this or that instead of choosing to say what you dislike as you always do”.

The main problem for narcissists that leads them to the use of this manipulation tactic is that they have to constantly make what you say, about them. The narcissist constantly needs to feel they are being shamed and attacked because shame is a very strong influence regarding the stemming of pathological narcissism. Essentially, narcissists use their external world and other people,  to unconsciously shame themselves. The narcissist manipulates other people’s perceptions so they can convince oneself that they are being shamed by others instead of consciously recognizing that they are in fact, shaming themselves. Of course, for most narcissists, they cannot consciously recognize their own unconscious doing simply because they have a false ego that needs to be maintained which is a persona that appears in an extreme polar opposite way-grandiose and omnipotent. 

Not Personal

The realm of interpretation is a tricky thing but unfortunately, the very thing the narcissist likes to exploit. A victim’s words mean so much to the narcissist because words provide narcissists the ability to delusionally interpret their own reflections. Linguistics are used by the narcissist to gain a faulty sense of self but also, to exploit others.

Body language, facial gestures, photos, symbols and silence are all broader forms of communication and not very effective ways for a narcissist to gain worthy supply. There is simply too much room for not knowing and guessing, that such supply is much harder to profit and gain from.

Narcissists want a reaction that can be used to be able to falsely interpreted oneself. An example- the supply gained when the victim is angry. Showing anger to a narcissist doesn’t produce remorse or guilt within this it, but instead, provides the narcissist a faulty interpretation-one which represents such anger as a reflection suggesting just how wonderful the narcissist is.

Imagine the narcissist in your life trying to create a reaction within you that suggests anger and all you do is send him a rainbow emoji. This can not provide the narcissist with profitable supply but instead this reply leaves the narcissist questioning the meaning of such and the narcissist becomes confused(despite his rude reaction to the rainbow emoji). The narcissist may say “wow your crazy” but we all know the narcissist is a pathological liar and his words hold no value or able to provide an accurate display towards what the narcissist is subjectively experiencing.