Narcissists constantly pick fights, debates and arguments. There are so many reasons to why a narcissist frequently argues but to name a few reasons off hand-
to feed their self-hate via initiating negative feedback(all done on a conscious level)
to rid the guilt they hold regarding something they have done
to mentally drain their victim
to cause confusion
to protect their fragile ego which interprets almost everything as an insult
to get out of plans
to escape accountability
to achieve supply.
This is by far an exhaustive list and one would only think the narcissist would not want to exhaust himself by doing such. The reason why the victim of the narcissist is so mentally drained though is that the narcissist has in fact reaped all of their energy thus, the narcissist ever being exhausted. This is a very strange way to live I must say but nonetheless, this is how the narcissist operates. The victim of any narcissist engages in frequent introspection due to constantly needing to reflect on what, how, and why they said what they said to the narcissist to cause such an argumentative and nonsensical, reaction which also exhausts and depletes the victim of their energy.
The narcissist plays on his victim’s desire to be loved. The narcissist uses relationships to achieve the fufillment of this desire for his victim. Narcissists target the one emotion the human needs. Humans need to be loved in order to grow emotionally, physically and mentally. To target this human need is effective merely because it is a need.
The narcissist traps himself in his own delusions by doing such because he too, needs to be loved. I have never met a narcissist without such a need despite their false self. Yes, this need is defined differently for the narcissist: he defines being loved as receiving attention but none the less, he needs it. This need of his is the very thing that traps him into a life led by pathalogical lying. What a narcissist shows on the outside consumes the narcissist and is believed to be truth for the most part. Yes, the narcissist is aware, yes they are addicted to attention and yes they know they are being malignant towards others but here is the tricky thing..narcissists need to feel loved by receiving attention so badly that they will be malignant in order to gain it.
Imagine needing to be loved this greatly? It is insanely desperate. A part of the narcissist knows that he is insane and desperate hence the formation of this false self that is meant to protect him from the consequences of being in such great need that makes him exploit others.
The narcissist has come to believe he needs attention though only because he is a God. He has always believe he’d he is worthless, unlovable and needs to be loved aka receiving attention. This contradicting conudrum leads to a dual stream of consciousness for the narcissist but also creates immense confusion for their victims. It is hard to view life and people in a way a narcissist views life, nevermind consistently viewing everything that way all the time. For the most part, people percieve reality with their eyes and have one stream of consciousness to derive a perspective from.
Knowing how the narcissist’s mind works, allows the victim to understand that they , in fact, do have power over themselves and that is the very thing the narcissist desires to permanently remove.
Watching a narcissist attempt to reuse his habitual failed tactics over and over can become quite annoying. Some may question why the narcissist continues to use the tactics that have failed him and that have been brought to light before him?
Well…the narcissist can only deem a manipulation tactic as failing if he does not gain supply when he deploys such.
You may than ask yourself, how could the narcissist deem the calling out of any of his manipulation tactics, supply? Why isn’t his facade deemed the priority in such moments of confrontation?
The quick and short answer-supply is the only goal a narcissist has. Let me explain ..
The narcissist creates an illusion solely for his victim to adopt as a perception of his facade..but this facade is not the same facade the narcissist is feeding within via supply. This illusion adopted by the narcissist’s victims frequently causes an inner conflict for them due to their need to understand the depths of their abuser’s pathology in order to make sense of their reality and the creature that lays before them. The facade the narcissist is actually feeding is a delusional based powerful and omnipotent god who is proven to be such in the mind of the narcissist because he renders his victims helpless before him. ( This particular mental construct will be depicted and explained in more detail for you in a future blog)
Essentially, the narcissist uses his facade to gain attention and if that means he gains attention by his victim pointing out to him his manipulation tactics, he accepts this attention with open arms.
Experts on Narcissistic Abuse discuss no contact as being the sole solution when attempting to recover fron such a nightmare. It is important to understand that yes, going no contact is truly the sole solution but, there is still a common misunderstanding held by many regarding this concept.
Going no contact simply because someone such as an expert or a friend tells you to go no contact, will never become a core motivational factor in attempting to go no contact.
What seems to be misunderstood is one’s understanding towards the true reasoning behind why no contact is in fact the sole solution when ridding yourself from such a toxic person.
Why no contact is the only solution:
1. You cannot leave a narcissist like you would in any other relationship When trying to leave a relationship with a narcissist, you will be verbally abused, manipulated and coerced.
2. You cannot in fact, fix things with a narcissist because you are not allowed to contest the god complex and ego. Your thoughts and emotions have been rendered an insult to the narcissist thus, the narcissist attacking everything you do and say.
3. You are seen as a slave to the narcissist and this fact becomes confirmed everytime the three stage cycle of narcissistic abuse take place.
4. Eventually, you will come to realize that you are not even in a relationship but instead, a slave to the narcissist’s psychosis. You have been taught you cannot express yourself before your narcissist thus, realizing there is nothing left but voluntary slavery or going no contact.
Without subjectively understanding and a person experiencing the above, no contact remains a dream come true that never becomes true just like the narcissist.
Some narcissists are completely obsessed with cleaning. Why I use the word obsessed is because this word suggests disorder and suggests an illogical state of thinking. These specific types of narcissists are not in fact concerned with what is in fact clean or organized but instead, are obsessed with what others can see and deem clean. The narcissist will obsessively clean their living room floor over and over, but their bedroom is a utterly disgustingly dirty. This type of obsession will always come before the well being of anyone the narcissist knows. Why I bring up such a point is because a narcissist can never be the cause of their dirty floor, as an example. The believe they are perfect in all that they do. Due to this narcissistic cognitive error, they will continuously degrade anyone they live with when their urge to obsessively clean kicks in.
Another type of narcissist is the narcissist who is obsessive compulsive with their belongings in their pathological abode. Every item they own has a place in their space and they do not want this order of things to be disrupted in any way whatsoever. For example, a narcissist who anal retentively needs to be the only person who washes, dries, folds and puts away their own laundry. Their unique obsessive way is thee only way such a chore can be done in their pathological space.
The obsessively cleaning type of narcissist needs to regulate and control every aspect of their life and this leads thr narcissist down very strange paths.
People tend to refrain from acknowledginging a very important factor that comes into play when it comes time to escape the narcissist and go no contact. This particular factor is the victim’s weaknesses which are very well known to the narcissist.
The narcissist studies his victims in a very unique but of course, this is never something the narcissist ever admits so it make sense to why this factor fails to be incorporated into the grieving stage for most victims.
It is very important that anyone dealing with such an it of a human being takes the time to self reflect, to learn about oneself so they are aware of what the narcissist uses against them. A few pointers are:
what are your traumas?
what emotions are attached to those traumas?
how do you react to your emotions?
what needs are not being met in your emotional life?
what are your fears?
what are your pet peeves?
what offends you?
what do you desire?
what do you cherish?
what do you deem intolerable and tolerable?
what are your values?
what are your beliefs around: verbal abuse, cheating, manipulation, lying, deceit of anykind, what a healthy relationship consists of, marriage, kids, physical abuse, stalking, sex, emotions, etc.
do you respect and love yourself? why or why not?
what did the narcissist provide you in the beginning of your relationship that won you over?
The narcissist loves to send his victim mixed messages. For example, when the narcissist hacks his victim’s computers and phone, he will ensure he is messaging his victim on every possible social app at the same time in attempts to confuse his victim . The narcissist knows his victim knows it is him messaging, but this does not matter to the narcissist. While the narcissist is doing this, he is also pretending to be angry in silence as his known self or verbally abusing his victim. These mixed messages are intended to confuse his victims so they are completely lacking insight towards what the narcissist is thinking or feeling, having to guess or assume everything.
The victim may know it is the narcissist messaging him from all directions but it is difficult for the victim to not take what the narcissist is saying or doing as the truth. For example, if the narcissist is being extremely kind as an alias, the victim wants or will come to believe that the narcissist cannot speak directly to them due to his mental illness or insecurities. This is not the case and it is important to know what the narcissist’s true goal is when he attempts to do such which is gaining and confirming that he has control over his supply.
Never forget that supply is gained by attention and every aspect of confusion in their victim causes the victim to focus their attention on the narcissist. The narcissist knows that confusion automatically puts the human brain on overdrive. The narcissist knows that such confusion creates obsession Al thinking for his victims thus, receiving attention.