off and on

Narcissist parents operate like emotional light switches. One moment, everything is in peace and the narcissist parent is not abusing everyone in sight and the next minute-switch! This is one of the most ridiculous things to have to experience with a narcissist parent especially if you are circumstantially forced to live with it. The light switch has many functions for the warped minded narcissist parent. By switching back and forth from ok to not ok, keeps everyone on edge. It keeps everyone around them in a constant state of distress and confusion which has many benefits for such a disordered person. The light switch also acts as a reminder for the narcissist that confirms to them they are still in control of the people in their life. If I can alter my face and use of words to manifest your reaction as angry or sad, then I must be very powerful right? This is how the narcissist thinks. This particular piece of knowledge can work against a person though due to the fact that they know this is happening but still, they cannot alter the situation. 

The reason for the narcissist to offer up the olive branch or to cry to their victim for forgiveness is done to claim the other is in the wrong. This leads  anyone to retract one’s stance towards the narcissist. Most people do not want to hurt another human being. Also, it is much easier to just go with the flow in order to keep the narcissist’s insanity under wraps and to catch your damn breath.  

The decision to avoid the narcissist’s nonsense is made out of the victim’s confusion, intolerance and distress. It is a decision made from an attempt to avoid the nonsensical nuisance of a narcissist and their constant ridiculousness.
but..
this decision does much more damage in the long run.
  The way to ensure you do not become trapped in a place with the narcissist-where you are aware of what is happening but cannot seem to alter your situation- is to make a decision for yourself and stick with it.
Recognize that yes you are exhausted and just need a break from the narcissists insanity but the more you avoid making a decision by trying to catch your breath, the more you will lose your breath.
You have to make a decision. Examine what you tolerate and choose to walk away as soon as you can.
 
Advertisements

The child

The narcissist is a child. When you have a parent or parents that are narcissists, you will begin to see over time that the narcissist is truly just a child. Even when a narcissist reacts or behaves malignantly, you can see that there entire being is infantile. 

Lets say for example, you have a narcissist father and he steals your college inheritance from a joined bank account he has with your mother. Even  in this circumstance- you can see a child. Your father will either get caught and blame everyone else for his actions and/or he will play the victim. The similarities between the narcissist and a child in this example are as follows: a child cannot think long term to weigh out long term consequences, a child can only think about what they want and when they want it and lastly, a child pouts and screams when things do not go according to plan. 

Another example is-you have a narcissist mother who will verbally abuses everyone but when you decide to stand up for yourself, they cry or give you the silent treatment. A child believes they are special and that is because feeling special is apart of normal developmental phase. Just like a child, your narcissist mother believes they can abuse everyone whenever they want but cannot handle it when given back to them or if they are told they are wrong for being abusive. Essentially, if you critique any narcissist in any situation, you will be able to see a child.

Seeing the narcissist as a child is very helpful for any person when trying to create distance between you and the narcissist. Realizing that the narcissist is truly just an infant removes their faulty manipulative power from your mind and in turn, the mind of the narcissist(seeing as they are only existent to themselves by seeing their own reflection). Overall, the narcissist is a child playing adult in a secret make belief land. If you were to witness a foreign third party behave in such a manner but you were unable to decipher their age, you would most likely believe what you are witnessing is that of a child.

Reflective Clarification

The narcissist thinks highly of you. Yes I know, this doesn’t make sense but I am being dead serious. You are wonderful and that is why the narcissist preyed upon you. It is important to understand that the narcissist cannot utilize a person as supply without him thinking highly of them. The narcissist needs to see himself in his reflection provided to him by his victims.

The narcissist needs to manifest a sense of need and desperation in his victims because he thinks highly of them. How could the narcissist reflect himself in a positive way if he cannot see his source in a postive light?

What does a reflection really mean to a narcissist?

If a source of supply was just truly a mirror and that was all the narcissist needed, he would just use a mirror. If the person the narcissist preys on was not critiqued and measured by the narcissist’s ego, then he could just use a plant as a supply source. If the narcissist did not care about what supplies him, then why are you so wonderful?

I bet, if you really took an objective look at who you are and what you have accomplished in life, I am sure you could see I am only speaking truth here.

In saying all that, it becomes more clear why the narcissist needs to degrade his sources of supply because what does this reflect to the narcissist about himself? That someone so wonderful needs him because he is that good. The narcissist needs to avoid meeting your emotional, mental and physical needs so you question your worth and then question him, thus, creating the desired reflection.

Starting fights

The narcissist as most know, love to pick a fight. They will do this at any point in time in your relationship regardless of holidays or a death in the family. In fact, the narcissist tends to pick fights specifically in these specific times simply because it is a way to bring back the attention onto the narcissist. The narcissist cannot stand that your attention is on someone or something else. The narcissist also likes to start fights with the victim that he knows is guaranteed to provide an extremely emotional reaction. This is because the narcissist receives the most supply when his victim is aware of his insane pathological disorder but will still remain in his life. The victim’s reactions towards the narcissist’s existence is a tool that is used to decipher when the most important times to cause these imaginary fights with his victim in order to receive the most amount of supply.

What is sad about this is, if the victim reacts in a false way to see if the narcissist utilizes such against them, such will never fail to prove this blog content incorrect.

As much as the narcissist lives in the victim’s mind and can effectively cause emotional reactions in others, the narcissist is quite predictable and can be controlled just the same.

The narcissist fears being controlled so greatly that he feels he needs to manipulate and hurt others to gain control.

Stalking

The narcissist makes up a million and one excuses in their minds to why they believe they are victimized and unable to control their stalking behavior to themselves. The narcissist will even claim he is unable to let go of the past or still inlove with their last victim. This is of course, delusion. The narcissist is only stalking because he lost control of his victim and that is that. There are a million and one implications a narcissist will make regarding such behavior but the bottom line is the narcissist has lost control and he knows it
You may even ask yourself “why would the narcissist abuse his victims to the point of abandonment, leading him to be humiliatingly and obsessively stalk?” Well, the narcissist never thought you would leave him and he never thought he was out of control until he was utterly abandoned. The narcissist is unable to see his own sense of delusional entitlement till he crashes and falls, leading the narcissist to become desperate and then of course, revengeful.

You may also ask yourself “doesn’t kindness as a manipulation tactic work more effectively then abuse seeing as abuse is why the narcissist has been abandoned?” Well, the narcissist is in such great shock and feels so out of control that abuse is the only thing the narcissist feels he can do at that time. For the narcissist, abusing you is what got him this far. The narcissist cannot seem to comprehend that he is failing immensely and that his tactics are quite ineffective in the long run. He believes he did not lose control because he is behaving abusively all the while, knowing he has lost control which he associates with his victim refusing to obey his delusional entitled self.

The narcissist cannot accept he is constantly self sabotaging, repeating everything that led him to his very familiar and redundant demise thus, constantly ending up in the same failed position which is in fact, the definition of insanity.

The Truth Behind Covert Manipulation

When it comes to covert manipulation, the golden rule is to work solely behind the scenes. Operant conditioning, body language, repetition, tone of voice and silence are some major examples of covert manipulation. Essentially, the goal of covert manipulation is to not directly relate one’s actions/words/etc to one’s malignant intent. This leaves the victim in a place where a million options plague their mind regarding their very own perception. “Did she bang the door shut despite her just telling me she wasn’t angry?” .

It is important to make note that various connections are constantly being implicated by the narcissist.  The narcissist becomes suggestive and semi obvious regarding his intent because without doing such, there would be no way for his victim to become immensely confused and present that confusion to him.

If a victim of covert manipulation questions the covert abuser about the implicated being suggested, the covert abuser will deny everything which leads to the victim becoming confused, doubtful and over time, rageful. Even when the victim is fully aware and confident in their own perception of the narcissist’s manipulation, the narcissist denying such can still create extreme anger within the victim because the narcissist’s intent becomes quite apparent.

The goal for anyone experiencing this wrath is to understand that the narcissist is lying because he is delusional and in fact, he is actually talking and manipulating himself and that…is pathetic.

pity it.

Conditioning

Narcissists love using operant conditioning, a form of psychologically influencing someone. The narcissist parent trains her child to interpret various q’s in a way where the child learns how to exist before their narcissist parent. For example, the narcissist parent huffing and puffing when they know their son/daughter is in ear shot. This particular example of conditioning can only work though if for example, the narcissistic parent complains to their child about something in particular, blames and shames their kid and then….begins to huff and puff. Repetition of such an example will train the child to eventually associate the narcissists’ huffing n puffing as a q that shame is about to be dished out. The goal of the child will than be to avoid this shaming and alter their behavior. This type of conditioning can create extreme prolonged distress within a child which can lead to various mental health issues later on in the child’s life. This is because the child can not understand what they are in fact, unaware of. So when various mental health symptoms begin to surface for that child, the child will not have a clue to why these symptoms are occurring for them. This lack of awareness also allows the narcissist to create the illusion of being a good parent. The narcissistic parent can claim that he/she is a great parent and has no idea where these mental health symptoms originated from – this is gas-lighting and a force of brainwashing at its finest.