Having a conversation with a narcissist is probably the most mind baffling thing most of you have ever experienced. Linguistics is the number one tool for a narcissist to manipulate himself with via his supply sources. There are many tactics that the narcissist uses in a conversation but a very important tactic is the narcissist voluntarily speaking in a way that leaves interpretation in control of your reaction, applying what the narcissist has taught you regarding what means what when the narcissist speaks to you.
Your interpretation is a critical component for a narcissist to effectively manipulate himself with but if you look closely to the narcissist’s choice of words, you can see how interpretation is the fault at hand for many of the problems you experience with a narcissist. Of course, the narcissist has studied you to see what words effect you in order to effectively predict your interpretation.
For example, the narcissist asks you to come over and you refuse, asking to reschedule. The narcissist than responds with “i don’t have time for games”. So if you do not remove your interpretation of this statement, you can see that the narcissist is accusing you of playing games. If you remove the interpretation from the narcissist’s statement, you can see that such a statement actually has nothing to do with rescheduling. The narcissist relies on your manipulated interpretation so your reaction goes something like “why do you always have to start a fight?”. Now the narcissist can ignore you or call you crazy because your reaction does not correlate with the conversation at hand, if you remove the common interpretation from the narcissist’s statement that is. Now the narcissist can justify in his warped head, going silent on you or being malignant towards you.
So there is the covert and the overt narcissist. The overt narcissist is very verbally and sometimes physically abusive.
Its also been said that the covert narcissist is the eternal victim brand of narcissist but this is not entirely true. If you look at both brands of crazy, both the overt and the covert narcissist, choose to behave as the eternal victim, yes, even the overt.
The overt narcissist abuses people in a more direct way but none the less, they hold victim stances. Everything that both brands of narcissists do is derived from a victim stance.
“I abuse you because you made me”- this is the thinking of the overt narcissist. The justification of their direct verbal and sometimes physical abuse is based on the idea that they are protecting themselves or defending themselves from a false claim that their victims are the abusers.
The overt narcissist uses linguistic manipulation and gaslighting to reverse the victim stance to abuse their victims. This confuses the actual victim of the narcissist and is the factor that creates the belief in victims that they are the ones that are the pathological narcissist.
How can one tell the difference between being a victim of a narcissist and the overt narcissist abusing you and claiming victimhood?
Looking at the situation with objective eyes and asking yourself what the narcissist is claiming she/he is the victim of? Are you being blamed for expressing yourself? Are you falsely being accused of cheating? Really ask yourself what the narcissist is claiming in regards to his justification for abusing you. Are you confused to why you are being called an abuser? Are you reacting to this confusion placed on you by the narcissist with aggression and frustration like any normal person would? Don’t get distracted by your emotions and take a step back because you will be able to see the illusion being presented to you.
A person is not defined as all good or all bad. A person cannot exist as all good or all bad. You can still be a good person if you negatively behaved. When a person seeks the need to appear all good, they end up appearing all bad and contradicting their initial goal of appearing all good. To appear as a good a person, you cannot behave in a way that demonstrates ill intent for the sake of appearing all good.
Narcissists are cruel from day one, the only problem is most do not recognize this. A person can be cruel without appearing cruel. Lack of accountability, manipulation, love bombing and lying are all examples of “unseen” cruelty. So to phrase such a question in a different way- “why do narcissists tend to appear more cruel after a breakup?”.
Narcissists punish their victims in very cruel “unseen” and “seen” ways and for various reasons. It gets to the point in a “relationship” with a narcissist where the narc removes their ugly masks one by one, for you to see all. The narcissist does not care about you seeing how directly cruel he is being because 1. It will be your word against his at the end of the day 2. He creates justifications to why you deserve to be abused (example-he is frustrated with you because your so mentally ill), 3. Narcs like to divide and conquer 4. Your trained to keep your mouth shut for the most part in fear of looking crazy 5. Your misery is worth a lot (not his facade though because he believes it is so powerful, nothing can crush it) 6. He increases the mind control by intermittent reinforcement 7. In his mind, there is no breakup-there is master and slave, that is all
Mental exhaustion- anyone who has to deal with a narcissist is very well aware of how the narcissist likes to repeats themselves. This is a linguistically repetitive based manipulation tactic.
The narcissist likes to repeat the same things over and over again and this includes insulting and shaming their victims.
For example, the term “whore”. Whenever the narcissist is angry, he likes to use this word, he favours this term specifically. This term will be used by the narcissist on repeat whenever you express anger, shock and/or devastation. Of course, the narcissist likes his adjectives such as “stupid whore, useless whore, fat whore”.
Another example is when you are forced to converse with a narcissist because you live with them. I know this one narcissist that would say “what?” after everything you would say to her.
Another example is when the narcissist repeats herself over and over about a complaint or about. A desired request-“Can you clean the floors?” Ten minutes go buy “can you clean the floors”. Even if you clean the floors, the narcissist will than begin to complain about how she has to even ask you to clean the floors. This tactic, over long periods of time, is enough to make anyone mentally unwell.
What makes this tactic even more ridiculous is that you could be talking about the shape of the moon and the narcissist will than find a way to direct the conversation so they are able to bring up their complaints to you once again.
This is how the narcissists like to operate and the main goal of this manipulation tactic is to exhaust your mind in every way which of course, leads to depression, anxiety and sometimes ptsd. Of course, the narcissist will than use this as a way to further degrade you if you do not obey their every command.
People frequently ask “why don’t you leave?” Maybe this post can shed some light on one out of a million reasons that prevent a victim from escaping the torture of a narcissist.
The world revolves around you but that is only because you are in your own world. A lifetime of attempts to drag me into the hell of your abyss but you have always failed. Your repetitive existence which you use as a tool to exhaust your victims is the same tool that drives you to the brink of insanity, at least you go down with the ship as well. Your pretences and faulty role of a so called mother, is simply non existent – just like you. Your constant shaming and degrading ends up rotting your false ego and distorting your own ugly reflection. All your projections and lies, bringing you down further and further into your dark abyss has provided me such comfort. Such gratitude that your disorder ruins your life as well as it did mine. Your delusions and the projections of all your lacking accountability, blaming me for blinking the wrong way, rots your brain and why? Simply because you know- I know- better. There will never be a word you utter that will hold worth or value and you can deny this and play the blaming game for your lack of accountability but in the end–we both know-
you are wrong 🙂