The difference between arrogance and pathological narcissism

Arrogance and pathological narcissism are two falsely used terms that are used interchangeably. This is a problem because it removes the importance of validation for someone dealing with a pathological narcissist.

When you are dealing with a pathological narcissist, you are dealing with someone with a severe devotion to one’s own mental health pathology. You are not dealing with someone who is simply arrogant. The best way to explain the differentiation between these two terms is to explain what arrogance isn’t.

When a person is arrogant, they are not:

1. Unable to be accountable or wrong

2. seeking attention at the expense and well being of others

3. consistently and only put themselves before others

4. obsessed with having sex with other people

5. living dual lives

6. pathological liars

7. creating a rewriting of the past, present or future

8. manipulating daily at the expense of other people’s well being for the gaining of attention

9. They do not stalk and hack

10. They do not abuse you daily

Advertisements

Self pity vs empathy

The narcissist can provide what looks like self compassion but as you know, the narcissist cannot provide genuine empathy towards others. Self pity is the only form of accountability a narcissist is capable of. The narcissist has no problem taking the blame for their own “thought to be” consequences for their actions if the narcissist feels out of control.

There are two reasons for this: the first reason being they can convince themselves they are in control still of the other person and secondly, to be the own hero in their own script of a movie/life.

The narcissist has no problems saying things like “i am no victim, everything that happened to me, I allowed”. Narcissists have no problems saying things like “I saved myself, no one cares about me”. These two statements directly suggest that the narcissist needs to be in control of the external circumstances as well as, the need to be the hero in their own self directed movie/life.

Despite the fact that the narcissist plots, plans and executes malignancy every breathe they take, they are able to delude themselves to such an extent still. I say “delude themselves” because at the end of the day, whether the narcissist is immediately psychologically effected or impacted later on in life, lying to oneself cannot reap positive cognitive effects. You cannot spend your entire life living a lie and expect to have perfect cognition and sound mind.

The need to be with the narcissist = trauma bonding

The need for the narcissist frequently overrides all other concerns in the victim’s mind at one point or another in their relationship with a narcissist. This does not mean the affects of those other concerns should not be concerning though. Unfortunately, when all the victim can think about is being back in the relationship with the narcissist again, one fails to see how they are actually in the midst of traumatically bonding with their abuser . Their need for their abuser has psychologically and emotionally trumped everything else such as one’s dignity, self respect, and long term relief of emotional and psychological desperation. Essentially, the tactic used for trauma bonding is the creation and exploitation of a powerful emotional need within the victim that drastically shifts the relational power dynamic. The narcissist holds the victim’s mind hostage via their emotional and psychological needs.

What face is the narcissist wearing?

If the narcissist was constantly wearing the face of the false self, he would never be able to love bomb you or ask for a second chance”. The false self cannot be “wrong”. This is how you know that you are dealing with something else. So what is that “something else?” The narcissist wears many faces actually and in the mind of a narcissist. These faces consist of the various important figures in the narcissist’s life and past, memories. The narcissist “wears these faces” to lure you and maintain you as a permanent supply slave.

You are not evil

When life forces a person to have narcissist as a parent or to have two narcissist parents, you may have noticed that you have been indoctrinated to hate yourself. This is due to the amount of malignancy spewed onto you by your “parents” whether it be in the form of manipulation, name calling, gaslighting, etc.

Overtime, you come to learn that there is truly nothing you can do right or well enough when it comes to the narcissist. Yoy will learn that you will be blamed for the things the narcissist does wrong in his or her life. You will also be blamed for all the abuse the narcissist spews onto you. In the end, the narcissist parent ensures you harbour guilt, shame and self hatred and this is what is truly evil.

A reaction towards an action that holds ill intent, does not make you evil, it makes you devastated. You have experienced chronic and extensive psychological abuse by a person who is suppose to be your safe place in this big and scary world. Your reactions to the narcissists abuse towards you derives solely from never expecting that your supposed safe place would cause such shock and devastation.

You are reacting to evil, you are not evil.

The narcissist…

blanes you not only for his or her own behaviour and the consequences of such but more importantly, the narcissist blames you for them not being seen as perfect. The saying would go “your perception of my wrong behaviour is inaccurate, I am not wrong”.

The tricky part surfaces when the narcissist completely behaves in the opposite of what the right thing and still, will blatantly blame you for possessing an inaccurate perception of their wrongful behaviour. This particular manipulation tactic is something known as gaslighting. Doubting one’s own perception is the narcissist’s end goal.

The consequences on someone’s mental health due to being chronically gaslight by a narcissist is more extreme than many would think. It only seems natural to think to oneself “it is clear the narcissist is blatantly wrong and lying about” but this not the commonly seen case. When you are in a what you think is a long term relationship with a person you think loves you, you never assume that this person is trying to confuse and trick and you so what is left to do? Doubting oneself.