You want and don’t want to believe

You want to believe that everything will be ok. You want to delete the last memory you have regarding how and why you were dismissed by the narcissist. You don’t want to believe that the narcissist is evil or that he gets off on playing head games as a grown adult. You want to believe that not holding the narcissist accountable this time around will benefit you in the long run. You want to believe that the narcissist doesn’t know what he is doing when he lies and attempts to distort reality. You want to believe it is your fault the narcissist behaves the way he does, it is much easier to believe that than to have to accept the reality of your so called soulmate being a fraud and completely mentally unstable. You don’t want to believe that someone could be like this or do this to you. You don’t want to feel the anxiety you feel if you don’t go back to the narcissist when he calls or texts you. You want to believe this time around is going to better and you can forget all the evil insanity the narcissist has shown you. You want to believe this is not real..and lastly..you want to believe the narcissist is.

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