When you interact with a narcissist, you begins to realize that suggesting any form of opposition, inevitably leads to you being called the abuser.
You don’t think your being rude but you begin to question yourself.
You learn overtime that the narcissist might actually be quite sensitive versus you-the abuser. You come to realize that the narcissist much rather make you believe that you are an abuser instead of admitting they have some serious unresolved mental health issues.
It’s important to know though that the narcissist’s problem is not necessarily about being overly sensitive but more so about the narcissist’s cognitive distortion leading to the internalization of literally- all things external.
The difference between a narcissist and someone who is just merely sensitive is the internalization of one’s self via one’s external environment, as a constant negative reflection. This is of course due to the narcissist’s all consuming unconscious innate shame.
Essentially, the external world for a narcissist is commonly perceived as an attack.
So how do you avoid being constantly projected on when it comes to this particular linguistic maneuver?
1. Remind yourself that you are not the abuser
2. If you feel shame because you have been taught that expression of yourself usually leads to being told that you did or said something wrong, remind yourself at this time that the shame your feeling is in fact an emotional projection provided to you by the narcissist3. In terms of a response, there is no way you can tell a narcissist they are projecting, lying, confused or being manipulative or abusive, so your best bet is to ignore the narcissist. If you cannot ignore them, respond with “it was not my intention to be rude”. The narcissist will of course, try to drag out the scenario and at that point, you can simply say “i wish to not speak about this any further”. It’s also very important though that you do not apologize for the narcissist’s false and distorted interpretation. The supply craving malignancy residing in the narcissist will always seek to gain supply from you at any opportunity that arises.