Understanding Trauma Bonding

A major barrier that arises when attempting to gain one’s life back after a narcissist is trying to understand the role of the “good times” that were had between.

The problem comes to surface when trying to accept that the “good times” were the very tools utilized by the narcissist to achieve ultimate control over your mind.

Lets say for example, you meet someone while going for coffee and over time, a friendship builds. Your new friend than decides to visit your home and does so two or three times. The fourth time your new friend visits you, your friend secretly steals your jewellery. You than attempt to contact your new friend but he/she has now disappeared off the face of this earth.

In the above example, the good times you experienced with this individual would mean absolutely nothing because all that matters is your jewellery has been stolen. You are not devastated by the shift in this person’s morality, nor do you become blinded by the “good times”.

So what is the major difference between the above example vs the above barrier which many face in attempting to leave or go no contact with a narcissist?

The difference is the love bombing stage. When the narcissist love bombs you, you fall in love with how you feel about yourself thus, you fall in love with the narcissist. You become completely immersed in a world where you have been given total acceptance and love. When the narcissist takes this away from you without providing any comprehendible explanation other than “your worthless”, the narcissist has actually taken away your reflection. This is how the narcissist creates trauma bonds but more sickly, this is how the narcissist becomes the very thing he desires most- the becoming of his god.

In the narcissists mind, he answers to his own god-his ultimate guiding force and that god like entity does the exact same thing to him that the narcissist has done to you. For the narcissist to become what he himself ultimately worships and obeys, he needs to become within his own abyss, the reflector instead of the reflection.


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