To have someone come into your life and present to you a very loving and normal relationship is a beautiful thing but when someone utilizes that presentation as a tool to brainwash and gaslight another, a very unique hell is created for that person.
There are so many problems that arise for a person who has been gaslighted in a relationship with a narcissist. Social thinking seems to promote this idea that being manipulated is the same as brainwashing as if the victim of the narcissist has some sort of control over what has taken place but this is not the case.
Being manipulated is being influenced in a certain direction of choice but when a person is brainwashed via gaslighting, one’s reality is altered entirely.
There are two very large issues that arise from being brainwashed-
1. Your memory has been falsely altered
2. Your eyes are being used against you
So let me clarify.
When a person pretends to be in a mutually loving relationship with another person and than down the road decides to remove the veil of this faulty lie of a relationship via gaslighting, this is called brainwashing.
Why? Because now the victim holds an sensory based memory ingrained in their mind regarding who they think the narcissist “is” as well as who they think the narcissist “is” in relations to oneself. Anything that the narcissist does in the phases that follow the love bombing stage is now contradictory to the victim’s eyes and memory- aka. reality.
So what happens then? Cognitive dissonance, shame and a need to “correct” reality takes place. The human mind is forced to try and “correct” the reality that is now being malignantly presented to them in correlation to one’s beautiful and very real subjective reality that has been falsely presented to them. The victim of a narcissist is forced to contradict their eyes and mind in unimaginable ways to try and bring themselves to a place of reality which resides in actual truth.
All the while, the victim is also being told they are crazy, being financially depleted, verbally abused and the lacking of all support. As well as attempting to continue living a normal family and work life.
Essentially, the ultimatum is this- continue being abused in a false reality by the narcissist or create a new subjective reality for one’s self which involves the truth of who the narcissist really is but be shamed, abused and gaslighted further for it.
So what can one do in order to effectively deal with this type of gaslighting and brainwashing?
—-> refrain from allowing the narcissist to know that you know the truth of what he or she and go absolutely no contact. This way, the truth of the narcissist aka reality, can not be stolen or altered by the narcissist once again. Leave the narcissist alone in their own made up reality and go back to normal.
Go back to reality and never allow the narcissist to take it again from you.