When a narcissist learns and studies his victim’s worldview, he exploits it. Knowing how the narcissist exploits your perception at its core is explained in phase one but phase two is about understanding what happens in the victim’s mind when this is intentionally done by a narcissist. The narcissist exploits perceptions to manifest specific reactions within his victim’s .
Learning how you react is very important but more so learning what your perceiving is critical. Any victim of a narcissist can contest to the fact that sometimes the narcissist is nice and their reaction is explosively aggressive due to the perceptions they hold towards the narcissist that they are completely unaware of.
Learning how you perceive the narcissist’s actions will teach you about your own perceptions and reactions that are being manifested by the narcissist’s manipulation.
How does knowing this help a victim of a narcissist?
They will gain control of who they are again. They will be able to recognize what is taking place within them due to the manipulation of a narcissist. They will increase their chances of successfully going no contact.
So how do you go about learning your own perceptions regarding the narcissist’s manipulative actions?
1. Who is the narcissists ideal self ?
2. How does the false self define you? (Your worth, your feelings towards yourself, etc)
3. How do you understand your need for the false self ? (Abandonment issues, a need for safety, are you isolated now? do you have friends?, can you see yourself in a different relationship? etc).
4. What does the narcissist do to make u feel worthless and how does he do this?
5. What does the narcissist do to make you angry and how do you know this?
6. What does the narcissist do to make you question your self worth?
7. What are your beliefs about npd and how do they hold you hostage? (Do you believe the narcissist can change, do you believe your different?)
8. What does the narcissist do to trigger your beliefs about his pathology and how does he do this? (Does he say he is going to change?, does he promise you he isn’t lying and wouldn’t lie to you because he loves you?, etc)
9. Do you feel the narcissist is winning? If so why and how?
10. What does winning and losing mean to you regarding a romantic relationship?
11. Are you embarrassed because you deem the narcissist someone who has fooled you and is proud of that? If so why and how?
12. Do you believe another person can accurately define you? Explain
13. Do you work or go to school? Do you have financial stability? Is this something the narcissist uses as a tool to control you? Is this the only thing that is stopping you from leaving?
14. How does a silent treatment make you feel about yourself? How does it define the narcissist in your mind? What keeps your mind going and going when you are given a silent treatment?
15. What feelings cause you to react without thinking? Now ask yourself how the narcissist makes you feel these emotions?
–Now read over your answers and really analyze how accurate or inaccurate you are regarding his actions vs your reactions? How are your perceptions towards your own emotions, esteem and overall identity hindering your recovery because the narcissist keeps exploiting all of the above?
This is a brief list of questions you could use to try and understand how the narcissist’s actions are controlling your perception and reactions.