We as humans, interact with other humans but how does this really take place??
We build people’s perceptions of ourselves. We do this by the way we choose to speak, dress and act. This usually takes place very naturally and not always do we like what we perceive in other people. We also do not create our existence in accordance to other people’s preferred perceptions, we do not create ourselves in accordance to what other people desire neither. We choose to be ourselves and let others have agency over what their own mind chooses to perceive regarding who they think we are.
When a narcissist interacts with a person, nothing is taken place naturally. A narcissist will learn how your mind perceives the world and everything in it to become exactly what you want to perceive in your ideal mate. This is a lot of work if you really think about and a narcissist basically lives in the minds of other people, Everything he/she does is based on your perception and preferences. This is merely insane.
So knowing this, it is important to also know that when we build our perceptions of others in our minds, we interpret our interactions with that person through such a lens. A person teaches us who they are and we learn about others solely by this method. For most people, their perception of another is in accordance and aligned with what another is displaying. When it comes to the narcissist, the way you perceive his words and actions are surely noted so such can be used to exploit you later on down the road.
For example, through our whole relationship, I have taught you that Christmas is very important to me, you attend Christmas every year because of this and choose to make this holiday very special for me. If you were a narcissist, you would ensure you do this for two years max and than ghost me the following Christmas.
This is exploiting my perception based on who I think you are, making me question your values, the way I feels about you, and the list goes on. My held perception of who I thought you were is now flipped upside down.
Another example–I commonly react with kisses and hugs every time you compliment me. I even tell you that I come from a past filled with shame and we’re overall abusive in nature type of romantic relationships. I am teaching you that I really like that you compliment me. I am teaching you how and when I will be affectionate. I am teaching you what makes me feel good and what I enjoy. I am teaching you that I am insecure and need external validation. I am teaching you my weaknesses and informed you of my past traumas. Now if you were a narcissist, you would have recognized and took notes on all of the above. You would then decide after complimenting me all the time for about 6 months that you are now going to criticize me for the next week. You pick a fight and then criticize me so your justification is now backing up your criticism so you don’t look malignant. You already know I am use to and tolerating of criticism from my spouses in the past so you also know I won’t be shocked when you criticize me.
So their is 2 phases to perception twisting the above is phase one and my next blog will be geared towards explaining phase 2.