Many times, I have heard victim’s of narcissists ask “why do I go back? What is wrong with me?” So I am going to answer this question for anyone who is seeking an answer to this question.
So yes, you know that the narcissist is a narcissist and yes you know what that constitutes but what does all this really mean when it comes down to being in a relationship with a narcissist?
When you met the narcissist, you did not meet a narcissistic behaving weirdo. When you met the narcissist, you met the love of your life. Yes, you know now that the narcissist is in fact, a narcissist but that does not rewire your memory to incorporate this piece of knowledge into your memory.
When the narcissist begins to manipulate you, of course you were not aware of all the gaslighting, this programmed your mind to believe you were less than the narcissist, just simply not good enough.
So up to this point, you have come to believe you have this soulmate but somehow and somewhere down the line, you have become “not good enough”. This stage alone in narcissistic abuse is very mentally and emotionally influential. You have now come to believe you are the cause of your misery and that it is due to the fact that you are unlovable somehow.
All victims do not actually leave this stage. You will be given temporary relief as time goes on but never permanently which means your negative beliefs that you hold towards yourself are now here to stay.
Why can’t you leave the narcissist?
Just like the narcissist, you are now unconsconsciously trying to rid yourself of these negative beliefs by trying to gain validation from the narcissist. To hold these beliefs are so drastically different from the lifting of your once held positive beliefs. The narcissist has truly projected his pathology onto you thus, you are seeking external validation from him to be ok with yourself again.
This is sick