The narcissist sees people as legitimate mirrors. This is not a metaphor, this is truth. The narcissist can only see who he is threw your reactions but he cannot see you. Narcissists are addicted to attention because they are addicted to themselves-their reflections. The reason for this is because the narcissist does not believe he exists within his own mind. Without attention, the narcissist truly believes he will disappear and die. This is not an exaggeration this is how they know life to be…this is fact for them. This is because a narcissist’s ego functions (their identity) is externally provided.
Narcissists need to abuse other people because if they do not, they have no way to prove to themselves that they are better than the rest of the world. So not only do narcissists need people to exist within their own minds, they want to exist in a particular way ..a grandiose way. This is why narcissists pathologically lie and manipulate others…to manifest reactions in their victims that promote his/her ideal version of who he/she wants to be.
The reason why abuse is the most effective method for a narcissist to convince themselves they are a real person that exists and that they are better then the rest is because abuse creates a very unique manifested reaction created by the narcissist.
The narcissist eliminates all doubts regarding how they perceive their victim’s perspective of them when they abuse their victims and the victim reacts accordingly. Anyone can say hi or bye to a narcissist, this type of interpersonal exchange deemed supply as well, does not make the narcissist believe they are special. You could compliment and agree with a narcissist right around the clock-but this too, does not prevent the narcissist from abusing their victims. It will in fact, promote abuse because the narcissist will come to believe they are better than their victims and abuse them for being seen as worthless.
Narcissists despise anyone who adores them because they believe that in order for a person to like or adore them would have to be demented. They despise anyone who they believe allows them to abuse them despite the manipulation deployed that they are aware of. The narcissist also assumes that everyone is a liar like them so they come to believe that when a person is too nice, they are being conned, manipulated and lied to.
Narcissists are walking contradictions because they crave supply but abuse and abandon the very thing they need. The narcissist wants to be worshipped and adored but they will come to hate anyone who does such.