It is not uncommon for a victim of a narcissist to ruminate, justify the narcissist’s insanity and/or become cognitively distracted on the wrong things.
For example, many people will continuously try and justify why the narcissist in their life does what they do or did what they did. This takes place because it is much easier to accept that the narcissist is “hurt” or “mentally ill” etc then it is is to 1-accept something could be so malignant and 2. to prevent the reality of it all from setting in. Many people are not even aware of this style of ruminating thinking pattern taking place within their own mind. This is because the mind is a problem solving machine and so why would anyone question such when there isn’t anything really taking place within ones own mind that is not meant to be taking place. The narcissist refraining and withholding any type of explanation for their behaviour and insanity doesn’t help neither.
To accept that you have been fooled or you have been deemed worthless in the narcissist’s eyes is really a problem for one’s mind to accept due to such being severely devastating but …is taking place because it is a brainwashing tactic called distraction. See, you actually do not have to accept that the narcissist deems you worthless or the idea that you have been fooled because neither has actually taken place. Here..let me explain. You have not been fooled, you have been brainwashed and traumatized. Also, you have not been deemed worthless to the narcissist despite how hard he has tried to make you believe such. Your brain is trying to figure out everything from a place of believing what the narcissist had shown you. You try and justify the narcissist’s behaviour because your mind is thinking from this particular standpoint.
So now knowing this, you know that if you want to contemplate and think about anything, think and question your own mind and thoughts. Realize that much of your current thinking surrounding your situation with a narcissist is unconsciously controlled solely by what he has shown you. In order to release yourself from the cognitive rat maze you have been thrown into by the narcissist via his brainwashing tactics, you have to enter a state of introspection and really come to a state of awareness regarding what your mind is truly thinking and ruminating about in order to change your own thinking to align with what is real.