When the narcissist gets caught cheating, four things can happen-
1. Silent treatment
-The narcissist will first need to figure out the proof you have that made him get caught in the first place. This needs to happen first and foremost in order to predict his reaction to you finding out he cheated. Then the narcissist will go silent in order to punish you for outsmarting him and exposing his lies before him. The narcissist will choose to go silent in attempts to train you into accepting his behaviour by removing his thought to be wonderful presence from your life in hopes that you learn that bringing reality before him is not acceptable. He will most likely respond once you have proven you have realize this and change the topic. Silence also is used more frequently in the first few years of your relationship with the narcissist. Silence is always the safer route.
-The narcissist has realized there is in fact proof. Abuse usually increases over time with a narcissist because they feel confident in how you think, feel and behave. The narcissist is confident to abuse you and not lose his supply source. Abuse is also the way to punish you for bringing reality to the surface but also, to teach you that he is not going to own his malignant behaviour and in fact will blame and degrade you when you attempt to try and make the narcissist do so. To degrade and shame you is also a way for the narcissist to convince himself he had to cheat because you are just so worthless. This reaction allows the narcissist to justify his behaviour to himself. In this scenario, always remember the narcissist can only be successful in this tactic if you respond. He needs his victims to respond in order to make anything he says “real”:
-The narcissist will beg, apologize and plead more commonly when his victim has chosen to not criticize him or ask him questions regarding his behaviour. He is more likely to do this when a reaction is not given to the knowledge he has just been provided regarding his cheating. He will most likely be abusive first but if he cannot initiate a response, he will resort to silence and then plead. He will examine his victim’s past behaviour to decide what his reaction should be.
-Denying takes place when the narcissist is unsure that his victim is aware of his cheating. This sometimes coincides with abuse and/or a follow up silence treatment to teach his victims they are wrong for thinking he could ever do such a thing because he is such a good person. He will abuse and then go silent as well when he knows that he is safe to be abusive, he takes this opportunity to be able to degrade his victim and lower their self esteem with a “justification”.