Imagine everytime you tried to express yourself, you were told you were lying and not a good person? Imagine everytime you went to ask for your needs to be met you were treated like a nuisance and a bother? When living with a narcissist parent, you are taught that people will always doubt who you are what you say. It creates a hesitancy and an insecurity regarding others taking you seriously when you speak. When someone constantly denies and defies your existence, especially for a prolonged period of time, self soubt becomes the natural way of being. The effects of extreme invalidation are immense.
Another problem that comes from constantly being denied and never acknowledged is the lack of desire to have interpersonal relationships and the desire to want to interact with others. What is the point in attempting to speak to another person if everytime you do, you are abused, denied and/or accused?
When a child grows up in this type of environment, things become rocky. A child needs to feel safe and secure in who they are in relation to others. When they are consistently invalidated, this becomes very difficult. Narcissists see their children as extensions of themselves. When their child begins to attempt separating their identity from their mother, the narcissist mother begins to invalidate and neglect the child.
Little is seen by the outside world when this takes place, narcissists are completely different when outside of their home. A child who experiences the wrath of a narcissist mother can appear shy or withdrawn but no major indicators are visible. As the child grows older, they can appear as if they are just misbehaving and “just bad”. Many people mistaken this type of behavior as the child acting up versus abused and traumatized.