Guilt is a funny thing. The narcissist is very good at entrenching guilt within their victim. There are two factors that need to be addressed when examining this particular manipulation tactic.
Those two factors are based on answering the “how” and “why”.
This tactic is very successful when deployed by a parent narcissist. The reason for this is because it is very tricky to create a permanent sense of guilt and shame within another human being’s entire self concept and overall existence. The effectiveness of this tactic truly relies on such being conducted on a consistent basis. Deploying this tactic as a parent narcissist early on in their child’s life increases the success of guilt ridding their child’s identity and worldview permanently.
The narcissist projects his/her own guilt and shame onto their child/children. The narcissist feels they cannot experience guilt or shame so whenever the narcissist begin to notice that those two emotions have been triggered or are going to be amplified, they will instantly project. The narcissist spends his whole life fighting off triggers that he knows will create shame and guilt within. The amount of anxiety that the narcissist experiences if such is triggered is interpreted and experienced as annihilation. He must avoid this methaphoric death and he does so with the use of projection.
What creates this need to project is the core problem due to the frequency in which the narcissist becomes triggered. The problem resides in the narcissist’s interpretation of how others are viewing him at any given time. Everything is interpreted as a threat to the narcissist’s ego, interpreted as shaming and guilting. What lays beneathe this particular interpretation is fear, fear of being shamed and projected on thus, creating the narcissist’s need for the projecting of his own guilt and shame onto others.
Projection is a defense mechanism and a defense can only be built from fear and a need to protect oneself. As the saying goes “what you resist, persists”.
To force an entire belief system into another human being regarding how they view themselves in relation to others is by far, one of the most cruelest thing a person could do to a person. The narcissist does this in various ways and for all sorts of various reasons.
5 Hows and Whys:
1. Why-You can make a person feel guilty with hopes to lower a person’s self confidence with a goal to manifest a reaction of worship towards oneself.
How-Consistently invalidating everything a person says which can be done covertly or overtly. You can provide a silent treatment, offer a “better” way to do things, criticize or critique what another is saying in conversation, you could pretend your not listening at all when they speak to you or you could ask questions that will create doubt within another regarding what they are saying to you in any given moment.
2. Why-You can create guilt in a person for things you dislike doing. This is done to manifest a particular accomodating action
How-Whenever you are doing the dishes, for example, you can huff and puff in an aggravated way and then when you are done, you can simply state to the person “my hands are all pruned from doing the dishes. bah. how was your day? you didn’t do much today. It must be nice to relax all day. I wish I could do that”
3. Why-You can make a person feel guilty for the things you are jealous of with hopes to maniest guilt within the person regarding that very thing you are jealous of. This is done to ensure the person does not get to enjoy the thing you do not get to enjoy.
How-You can pick a fight with the person and get them angry so they will criticize you. Once they do this, you than can say “who cares what you have to say about my occasional gambling. You are only saying that because all you do is go on vacation, what right do you have to say anything? Sorry, we all can’t afford a vacation every year.”
4. Why-You can make a person feel guilt everytime they converse and interact with another human being. This can be done to create a lack of self worth in order to control that person more effectively and easily.
How-You can consistently criticize another person’s intent regarding their motives towards you. You can react defensively everytime they speak. This will create a sense of guilt within that person everytime another person speaks to them. All that person will interpret is judgement and criticism.
5. Why-You can make a person feel and believe they are dependent on you by create a belief in the person that they are not doing their part or that they are not doing enough in comparison to yourself. They will come to belief they are sinply incapable and less than.
How-You can consistently complain about the things you do that the other person doesn’t. Examples are complaining that you work more hours then they do or that you do more overtime at work then them.
Well there you have it! Five whys and hows to provide you with some insight into the mind of a manipulative narcissist.
Remember-the key to the narcissist’s manipulation is seen within consistent patterns.