You cannot please the narcissist despite the narcissist wanting his victims to believe that such can take place. No matter what reaction you give a narcissist- if you attempt to please them or not, if you cater to them or not, if you are loyal to them or not, if you refrain from being critical or worship them,if you never express your needs and wants, or if you play hard to get or you are obedient….the narcissist will forever be unaccepting of it all and will behave malignantly. Why this is so is because the narcissist cannot allow himself to be loved or have his own needs met. The false self was created to protect him/her from the external world and from everyone in it by suppressing one’s own needs. The narcissist believes this is a necessary sacrifice in order to feel and think he/she is safe at all times. To abuse people so often is merely a tactic to self-punish, create one’s own abandonment and forever be resented and hated because it is a self-fulfilling prophecy. The false self creates external scenarios that allows the belief that others are in fact evil and that he is unsafe thus, this necessary sacrifice of his own needs and wants. There is no changing the narcissist even if he wanted to change because he also believes he is trapped by his false self.
For the most part, though, the narcissist believes the false self is correct and needs to be obeyed like a religion. Only on rare occasions will the narcissist come to awareness, recognizing that he is in fact, trapped. It is much easier though, for narcissist to collide with the beliefs of the false self then it is to contradict it. Understanding the narcissists relationship with his false self is almost the same as knowing that the narcissist needs his false self in more ways than one.
It is also important to recognize that as time goes by, feeding this false self and being so dedicated to the false self-births a no turning back point. Due to the entrenchment of the narcissist’s psychosis that has been manifesting over the years, the narcissist becomes lost. Feeding, believing and living such a lie so heavily impacts the narcissist by holding extremely negative consequences.
The end game for the narcissist is not pretty.