Narcissists want to appear as if they do not care about how embarassed or ashamed they should naturally be. The narcissist wants their victims to believe that it is the victim who should be ashamed and not them. The narcissist’s outlook on such is “I am abusing you therefore, you should be ashamed because you are allowing me to behave this way”.
The trick here is to know that the narcissist only believes if something is real, if the person he is interacting with reacts as if it is real.
For example, the narcissist will ignore his victims after he abuses them shamelessly. This creates the thought in his victim’s mind that the narcissist is in fact not ashamed and that they are being abused because they are that innately shameful. What other conclusion can a victim come to?
The victim than reacts accordingly and voila..the narcissist created his desired reaction in his victim and he gains the sense of control he desparately needed regarding his identity that in fact does not and will not ever truly exist.